[one]

you drive me crazy boy absolutely mad. i know its over between us relationship wise in my mind, but my heart doesn't want to come to grips with reality. in my mind, we're broken up but still friends yet, in my heart, we are together perfectly happy and content. my heart wonders how long it will be until i'm as happy as i was with you. i know you'll be there for me no matter what but i also know that you'll only be there as a friend as in "hands-off" status and thats what kills me it kills me enough to become the compulsive smoker i was eight months ago when i started this job. i don't know how much of this i can take but i know its not a whole lot more. i know that my heart is not going to let this go for a while. it might be best for a while for us to stay away from each other. it worked with me and michael then again he went to northern utah for a few months also. hopefully i can figure some way i can make my heart forget you and my body. i know my body misses the feel of you holding me. my lips miss your kisses. my mouth misses calling you my master. fuck. i think i just miss everything about you. i'm laying here, in your pants smoking a cigarette about my fifth one for the night so far and working on a 1 liter bottle of dr. pepper contemplating going and buying alcohol. fuck. i think i need that. a smoke and a drink. the end to a perfect night of misery. seven and a half cigaretts later, and half a pint of smirnoff ice later you're still on my mind. how could i be stupid enough to think that would temporarily erase you from my thoughts tonight i hate you sometimes but still i love you when i said "i love you" i think i actually meant it and you're the only one i've meant it to.
2006-2007