At times like that you kinda just need to restart the level and stick with what you know and not try to glitch or fight far too advanced enemies.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Half of me still really badly wants to wait for him, but the other half of me doesn't and is sick of being hurt and crying cause of him.

I asked my friend Rob last night a question that has been on my mind after watching a video of a guy and girl on the jerry springer show. The guy met the girl on facebook. Brought her flowers and said that she looked like her photos. She told him she was born male. He flipped. Got me thinking.

Do you believe in the idea of falling for someone (even just as having a crush on them) but instead of it being them its more the idea of them that you have fallen for?

Anyways, I asked that question to Rob. This is our conversation about it.

R:So wait. You fall for what you imagine them as, less who they are?

M:Or fall for them at one point, they change and you hold onto what you knew about them and fall for what they use to be but aren't anymore. Or say like internet dating, you meet someone online eventually exchange numbers talk on the phone. Photos either are really bad, unattractive to what you usually like, or non existent. You fall for their voice/personality/who they portray themselves to be.

I am stopping here for a second. Yes, I know people have a tendency when courting someone to show only one side of themselves and can portray themselves to be someone completely different whether in person, on the phone, email whatever.

R:I mean it's entirely possible for something like that to happen to someone. Had something similar back when i was maybe 16-17. But she and I found diff relationships shortly after.

M:(goes into story I told before re-typing this convo) Almost makes me wonder if it really is HIM I love or what he use to be.....

M: How do you really know something like that ya know?

R: Idk i truly don't. The answer really lies with how you let it progress. I stopped loving, the damage with B(name omitted) and I's relationship torn a huge fucking hole in my perspective on things. Even after dating E(name omitted), she said I had a gap to fill.

R: I really couldn't tell you. At times like that you kinda just need to restart the level and stick with what you know and not try to glitch or fight far too advanced enemies.

R: Make sense?

M: haha did you just use video game logic on me? and what did you mean a gap to fill?

R:Yes. And by gap, i don't exactly know what yet but, E pointed out something had drastically changed in me as the months progressed following the breakup with B. Like my charm would be voided out at points when before it never did.

M:Hmm interesting. Makes you think.... And that's freaking awesome that you can figure out an analogy for my love life in video games.

There is a lot more to our conversation but none of it is really relevant to my question.

I should mention this conversation was started at 1113 pm last night of course it actually started a lot earlier but the relevant parts were from then til almost midnight Cali time. And Rob lives out in Massachusetts. So we have about a 3 hour difference time wise.

I just don't know what to do.

It really makes me wish for happier times.