Swing Dancing

I went to swing last night for the first time in 3 months. On one hand I missed it so much and it felt good to be back. On the other I remember why I'm not too big on it. Because it feels like every dance I've ever gone to middle school and high school...including prom. The pretty/popular girls get asked to dance and I just have this aura apparently that repels people from asking me to dance or wanting to dance with me. Don't get me wrong I do ask guys to dance, I don't just wait for them to ask because I know if I wait for them it won't happen. I spent a good portion of the night staring wistfully at the dance floor. Because most of the guys I wanted to dance with already had partners every time I tried to go ask. After a while I just gave up. I started thinking well maybe I'm just too pretty and they are intimidated and then I looked at the girls who regularly got asked and quickly shot that thought down. I know I'm socially awkward but I can hold a conversation as long as it is something that I know something about. Talk to me about newer music that's on the radio, I won't know what you're talking about. Talk to me about newer films I might know but chances are I don't because I don't really get to go out and see them often. Talk to me about video games and I won't shut up. Same with books. And older music. And a few tv shows. Such as Doctor Who, Torchwood, Mock the Week, Russell Howard's Good News, and the BBC version of Being Human. Yes, I do watch a few American shows as well: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon a Time, Grimm, Pretty Little Liars, Family Guy, American Dad, and Castle. But I like the British comedy so much more. I know a lot of people will say it is all about your posture and how you look for people to approach you...ok well I was sitting or standing(depending on which part of the night you want to talk about) with my arms either behind my back, at my sides, up against a wall/pole, or palms down on my legs(that was a sitting position though). So I wasn't doing the closed off arms crossed position. I wasn't just hanging around a few girls just talking with them. Yes, I drove Heidi and we talked for a bit in between dances but I also floated around and talked to other people, occasionally danced....Ok maybe my facial expression wasn't smiling but that was because I started thinking to how much it reminded me of high school and got depressed hence wistful expression staring at dance floor. I wasn't scowling or if I was it wasn't intentional. But when I was dancing I was smiling and having fun and you could see how much fun I was having. I just can't shake the feeling that people just don't enjoy having me around much. A few people seemed genuinely happy to see me but it wasn't many. So I'm conflicted. On one hand I miss dancing weekly a lot. On the other, I'm happy that I don't have to put up with the shit feeling of being left out cause I'm not pretty enough/popular enough/likeable enough to dance with.

Anyway however, This is the video that Heidi took for me last night. As usual I look ridiculous but hey at least I had fun. The song is LeAnn Rimes - Swingin

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