So, about a week ago (ok specifically a week and a day ago cause it was 23May that this happened) Ginger texts me. The following conversation ensues:
G: All of us need to join to play Diablo
M: Laggy net here. If it connects well at all
G:Yea later tho but we have to do it ok
M: Why
G: Just trust me it will be good for all of us
M: Why
G: It will help us all out
M: How
G: Just trust me
M: Why?
G: And you should
M: Why
G: Okay I take it you don't tust us so I will stop and not tell you now
M: Need I remind you I am not fond of in the first place? So I need a good reason on why
G: He is really good at the game tho
M: Like I care. I already don't want to play with you, him, or Kerowynn just cause of levels you are all at compared to me. Takes the fun out for me
G: He helps out a lot
M: The point is, I like playing with people closer to my level IF I decide to play with people and leveling up on my own without someone going through and
M: Completely demolishing everything and not getting the xp for it cause they are doing all the work. It is NOT fun for me
G: If you play with more people even if they kill stuff you get more ex then by playing with yourself you know that
M: The point is it is like watching someone else play and desperately wanting to play but being incapable of it because people won't let you
G: That's what it was like when I was plating with you and Kerowynn cause you both were higher level then me but I still did it
M: Consider it this way, usually playing games with guys for me winds up with me not being able to do shit cause guys always know better because they are guys and
M: Quite frankly, I don't give a rats ass if someone is really good at a game. I play for my enjoyment not the enjoyment of someone else being able to put down
M: My gaming abilities and usually attributing it to their perceived gender of me when they have just had more time to play it. And I find no enjoyment about
G:Do you think I play that way
G: He doesn't he frys to help you ask Kerowynn(it was either her or adaftpunk though honestly he spelled it the way adaftpunk's name is spelled. damn you two for having the same name)
M: Playing when someone is inanely higher than me and demolishes everything for me and I feel like I am just along for the ride. Which is EXACTLY how it would
M: Feel for me playing with you guys
G: Okay fine I'm see it how you think it will be ok
M: I don't understand anything after ok fine
M: Laggy net here. If it connects well at all
G:Yea later tho but we have to do it ok
M: Why
G: Just trust me it will be good for all of us
M: Why
G: It will help us all out
M: How
G: Just trust me
M: Why?
G: And you should
M: Why
G: Okay I take it you don't tust us so I will stop and not tell you now
M: Need I remind you I am not fond of
G: He is really good at the game tho
M: Like I care. I already don't want to play with you, him, or Kerowynn just cause of levels you are all at compared to me. Takes the fun out for me
G: He helps out a lot
M: The point is, I like playing with people closer to my level IF I decide to play with people and leveling up on my own without someone going through and
M: Completely demolishing everything and not getting the xp for it cause they are doing all the work. It is NOT fun for me
G: If you play with more people even if they kill stuff you get more ex then by playing with yourself you know that
M: The point is it is like watching someone else play and desperately wanting to play but being incapable of it because people won't let you
G: That's what it was like when I was plating with you and Kerowynn cause you both were higher level then me but I still did it
M: Consider it this way, usually playing games with guys for me winds up with me not being able to do shit cause guys always know better because they are guys and
M: Quite frankly, I don't give a rats ass if someone is really good at a game. I play for my enjoyment not the enjoyment of someone else being able to put down
M: My gaming abilities and usually attributing it to their perceived gender of me when they have just had more time to play it. And I find no enjoyment about
G:Do you think I play that way
G: He doesn't he frys to help you ask Kerowynn(it was either her or adaftpunk though honestly he spelled it the way adaftpunk's name is spelled. damn you two for having the same name)
M: Playing when someone is inanely higher than me and demolishes everything for me and I feel like I am just along for the ride. Which is EXACTLY how it would
M: Feel for me playing with you guys
G: Okay fine I'm see it how you think it will be ok
M: I don't understand anything after ok fine
This conversation happened when was like level 55 last I heard (even though he keeps attempting to add me on battle.net I keep denying the request because I honestly DON'T like him that much. I already have him on facebook and steam and his mobile number which is more than enough for me to have of someone I'm not fond of) and Ginger was I think mid-30s or closer to 40 for his level. I was still at level 28. AND they had all already finished the campaign (I think adaftpunk finished it after this convo happened though) whilst I was still on Act 3.
And honestly the internet down at the timeshare at Solana Beach sucked ass when it came to everything. Uploading took forever IF it let us upload photos. And attempting to play Diablo......yeah.....I've never had lag that bad.
And yes I am well aware of the fact that if you play with others in the game that anything they get xp for it gets shared with you. However, you get more xp if you're also attacking/killing things as well as them.
After this convo, he appealed to Kerowynn via text to try and get her to talk me into playing. He and I have not talked since. Both of us are also stubborn as hell so we may never talk. One of us might cave but I doubt it will be me. Much as I typically enjoy our conversations I'm not letting up on this.
Why?
To put it quite simply it hits too close to home to how he-who-must-not-be-named raped me before I eventually put an end to our relationship (no I didn't date lord voldemort even though I call him that sometimes, I just refuse to say his name until I'm done working through my issues concerning him). And I'm sorry but that is a HUGE trigger for me.
Because that convo went something along the lines of:
HWMNBN: I'm really horny let's have sex
M: I am not in the mood
HWMNBN: Come on please? I really want to and you're really sexy
M: No. I don't want to
HWMNBN: But it's really painful. Can't you even just suck it?
M: I don't feel like it.
-This went on for a good 5-10 mins-
HWMNBN: Come on please. I really want to fuck you
M: (at this point I was tired of listening to him and wanted him to shut up about it and was irritated at his lack of listening to me) *huge sigh with no enthusiasm or anything other than irritation in my voice* fine whatever
M: I am not in the mood
HWMNBN: Come on please? I really want to and you're really sexy
M: No. I don't want to
HWMNBN: But it's really painful. Can't you even just suck it?
M: I don't feel like it.
-This went on for a good 5-10 mins-
HWMNBN: Come on please. I really want to fuck you
M: (at this point I was tired of listening to him and wanted him to shut up about it and was irritated at his lack of listening to me) *huge sigh with no enthusiasm or anything other than irritation in my voice* fine whatever
And then well...that's all history.
Using coercion to try and get me to do something I don't want to do is like the worst idea ever. Because if I wind up going along with it, I wind up miserable, depressed, and start hating you. And right now it's right up there on my list of triggers I have. It is a very small list mind you but it's there. Hell, somedays, looking at my bed/waking up in my bed is a trigger since it happened in my bed in my bedroom.
Appealing to my friends to talk me into something makes me think a lot less of you. Ignoring the fact that I don't like someone and trying to get me to do stuff with that person, makes me like you less and think less of you. Yeah, occasionally the particular person we were referring to here and I will hang out but it is usually in a big group when I have the energy to deal with them. And quite frankly I barely have the energy lately to deal with the things that I deal with day to day in my personal life. Which explains why I've been seriously devouring books lately.
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