[Warning: May contain triggers of which I'm not sure because I don't do triggers a whole lot or tag them as such but this is me ranting about a personal experience I had with someone with a completely different life experience than I. I do NOT think that all persons going through similar issues in their lives are like this. This was just the one specific person and I have nothing against people who are going through similar struggles or anything and am also terrible at conveying meaning but there is some anger directed at trans persons. However at that it is NOT directed at ALL trans persons. More so just this particular person who shall remain unnamed and otherwise unidentified]
So I contacted a trans person(not sure which gender they identify with so I'm leaving the pronoun as gender neutral as I can on this)the other day who has openly identified as such(i wasn't making any assumptions about their gender or anything. I went off what they specifically said). Simply asking if I could talk to them about their personal experience of what they go through as a trans person. What it is personally like for them in the society near them. The reasoning behind it is because I can read for days(and have done a fair bit of reading on the subject)about the struggles that one CAN go through. But until I talk to someone who has gone through a specific struggle, for instance losing their job over their gender identity or something like that, I won't fully understand it. It's a quirk of mine. From never having been in a situation like that I can't comprehend it well. Especially acknowledging that I am a white cis woman. There are a lot of things I don't understand simply because I have never gone through them. Now, I did mention that I would completely understand if they would prefer not to talk about it and that I would leave them alone if they didn't. And all they had to say was something along the lines of "I would prefer not to talk about this". No reason needed just that simple 8 word sentence or a variation of it to their liking but clearly stating that. I did end the message saying "Thank you for your time" and "I very much appreciate your consideration regardless of the outcome". They responded and called me trans phobic and basically told me off for this.
And in telling me off I mean they told me that I was being rude and I wouldn't go up to someone else, ie: someone from a different country and ask them about their upbringing (which I'd like to point out, I would and I have because I am naturally inquisitive) so why should I do that to a trans person? Them making a judge of my character like that really pissed me off.
Before I continue I'd like to throw in a little about the upbringing I had. I was raised to be very open minded and NOT see people for their race, colour of their skin, nationality, gender, etc. I was raised to see them AS PEOPLE. Regardless of any of that. I was also raised in a community where it was fairly taboo to be gay/lesbian. That being said I can only understand what I was raised with to the full extent of the experience. I've always asked questions. Some of them highly inappropriate either in general or just for the situation. I am very socially awkward. I understand this. As such when I message someone (which for the record this experience here did NOT happen on tumblr) I usually throw in an apology if I offend them and say that if I did it was not my intent.
Back to my bit of rant. This person did not express an interest in talking nor did they express a disinterest in talking until the next message they sent. I answered the question of why I was asking and then asked a question on a piece of terminology I have heard/seen used and was unsure about since I couldn't get a proper answer out of people who have used it nor could I find it through google. After insulting me for being curious and saying that me asking questions of any kind about the trans community was highly offensive to most of the trans community (I'd like to point out that the very few people I know who do identify as such are people who understand that I ask questions to understand because I have said as such and done my best not to offend them, ie: using pronouns they prefer and names they prefer) they did actually answer my question (which I am very grateful for and told them so in my last message) and continued to insult my character and intentions some more and then told me that they didn't want to talk any more with me until I learned how not to be so offensive to the trans community. I politely thanked them for answering my question and thanked them for their time and told them I wouldn't bother them any more as nicely as I could.
Now, I understand *some* people regardless of colour, gender, etc will get offended if someone asks them more personalised questions about their upbringing. I understand some people don't wish to talk about it. And that's ok. But chewing someone out and making assumptions(incorrect ones at that) as to their character/intentions is NOT the way to go about gaining understanding or getting them to stop. As I've said I would have been fine with a "I don't wish to discuss this with you" as a response and that would have all that would have needed to be said. It's decent, not chewing someone out, and not making assumptions about said person.
I am trying to gain understanding of people in different situations so that in my quest to try and gain equality for ALL (regardless of gender, sexuality, colour, nationality, etc) or at least some acceptance that I can help to educate others. In my asking about upbringing, I honestly don't care where you live outside of big city, small city, medium size city, small town, country, etc(basically a generalisation of where you live. I'd like the region of the world/country too but I can be content with the generalisation), I don't care about your name if you don't want to give that to me. I want to know your struggles of what you face in your community. Is it a more accepting community, is it not, etc? I don't need specifics like "I work at (insert name of place here)" I'd be fine with I work in a department store and face this issue. Or something like that. As far as anything that can identify you, generalise it as much as possible. When I educate others I'm going to take the more important parts of your experience like there are people like this who go through this. And this is wrong because it is not an accepting attitude and this is why. Or and this is a more accepting attitude and more on the track that we, as society should take.
Oh and the person I talked to also said that "my desire to know about their particular experiences was more important than their personal safety". If I truly felt that way, I would say that people have to tell me their name and actual location and spread that around. And honestly, that feels so wrong to me on so many levels. If someone volunteers that, it is THEIR business and decision to make. NOT mine. I will NEVER use that kind of information in trying to educate others. I don't believe in outing people. Even if they are openly out. If I am talking with someone who knows the person and talking specifically about them(though this falls more under the category of me seeking out someone that they know and is usually closer to them because they told me something that makes me feel they might be in danger, no matter what gender they are or anything, this is a more generalised and used only with my actual friends and because I care. I will find someone that they know who knows about as much as me as to their sexual orientation, gender etc whatever needs to be known to help them basically and tell them that this is why i am worried about this person and ask if they can keep an eye out and make sure no harm comes to them etc but like mentioned used for friends in bad situations. which rarely happens. thankfully.)
I think I lost my train of thought and point in that. Any way, back to my point. If you want people to understand and accept and try to get others to accept you can't go making accusations and assumptions about them when you hardly know them. Especially when someone is obviously trying to learn. We all learn things different ways. It is very ignorant to assume that someone can just read facts and fully comprehend them. I've seen trans people attack cis people who are trying to understand and help others to understand simply because they are cis. This SHOULDN'T be happening. To me, that does more harm than good. It tells me that even though you say you want others to understand you don't really. But that person that I had the conversation with really hurt me. Which is something that hasn't happened in a while. In addition to me having an already terrible day, that didn't help at all. Please everyone, try to understand that we are not just an avatar. We are actual humans with emotions just like you. We may express them differently but we are all human. I'm not trying to gain sympathy for myself nor am I intending to have others hate on a community of people who are in a unique and different situation than what they are going through. I was just venting out my own frustrations so that they don't fester in me and slowly destroy me.
Also, I would prefer any responses to this please get sent to my fan mail/ask box. I don't want to turn this into a public pissing contest on tumblr. I'm honestly tired of seeing them.
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