Haunt musings

So haunt is coming up. And for the first year, I am legitimately absofuckinglutely scared and terrified of my position and character this year. Like straight up anxiety and a feeling of dread when I think of it. Because for the first year I am not only in makeup, but a new position, expected to be loud(which doesn't scare/terrify me as much as you'd think if you know me well), and expected to talk. And move around a bit. All in a fucking wool coat. Like I'm scared enough that it's almost to the point of making me physically sick. Added into the fact that they still haven't finished background checks yet so NONE of us have taken our id photos yet (which will hopefully be before September...or at least orientation). I'm suppose to be meeting with Andros from Ghost Town to talk about next year's auditions because I AM auditioning for streets next year (which on it's own scares the living shit out of me) and just....I don't know if I can do it this year. I feel panicky and unsure of myself and I don't like this feeling. I know a lot of it is just nerves but still.

Oh yeah. I still don't have a makeup time yet. Which really fucking worries me but not much I can do about it yet. I'm waiting til orientation to hopefully get one. Orientation is when I will start harassing makeup to get a time because I need one.

Also, I predict I will lose 20lbs minimum this year because of that stupid coat. Which may or may not be wool but it IS heavy as shit. With ridiculous arm things on that I don't see serving a purpose except to piss me off.

I have a doctors appointment this weekend so hopefully that will help some because I know I need new anxiety medication but I need it in a way that I take it a month straight for my body to get adjusted to the meds again and then only take it when I feel I need it(which is mostly in higher stress times) because the asthma attacks I get off the anxiety attacks scare the shit out of me (and yes they are asthma and not panic...thanks to haunt last year I got that difference confirmed though they feel oddly similar which in and of itself is scary as hell to me). And great...now I'm working myself into an attack. I'm going to try and calm myself down some. Maybe later I'll post what I have character wise for next year and those who are better at character creation can tell me how good/bad it sounds and maybe give me ideas/tell me where my holes are I need to fix in her...