So mum came in and yelled at me

So, mum just came in and yelled at me saying that I have until they come back from their trip in June to go through the stuff in my room and either get rid of it or put it away(except for the fact there is NOWHERE to put it hence why it is in boxes on the floor) or my dad's going to do it. This comes AFTER they decided to go through my shit and re-organise it while I was working Haunt(coincidentally right about the time I lost my glasses). I STILL CAN'T FIND SHIT THAT THEY SUPPOSEDLY DIDN'T THROW AWAY.

But she's saying dad's mad because "I don't do anything".

Really now?

• So I never do dishes.
• I never help clean the house.
• I never clean my bathroom.
• I never help cook.
• I never clean out the fridge including wiping it down.
• I never wash and fold THEIR laundry.
• I didn't just go up to the fucking waste disposal event and get rid of the stuff we can't throw away(batteries and shit like that) without being fined.
• I never go shopping for them.
• I never give them free massages. Most of the time without them asking.
• I never vacuum the house(or parts of the house).
• I never take care of the dogs
• I never make sure my brother, him, and my mum get their medication picked up.
• I never pick my mum up from work
• I never take mum/my brother to dr/dentist appointments
• I never run their errands
• I never do maintenance on mine and my dad's cars
• I never clean out and reorganise the freezers

And apparently I never go out and look for jobs. Even though I can spend an entire day job hunting, going out and turning in applications where I can to managers and trying to network. Because I never have results. And all I do is blame everyone else. NO ONE IN THIS CITY IS HIRING OR WANTS TO HIRE ME. I HAVE BEEN FUCKING LOOKING FOR 4 GODDAMN YEARS NOW. All the jobs are in OC/LA/SD. I DON'T HAVE THE GAS TO DRIVE OUT THERE TO APPLY. And they still don't understand that I can NEVER work for the Sears corporation ever in my life. Which includes KMart. So when they say I should apply there because they are hiring all they hear is "I can't". They never hear the full sentence. The full sentence is "I can't apply there because I am blacklisted from working for the company for life. Because of when I worked for Sears Auto Center. Because I was young, naive, and inexperienced when they fired me and didn't know I could have fought it".

And apparently that means that all they hear is "I can't" for everything. They give me jobs that are hiring. Let's go down the list.

• Requires 2+ years experience (warehouses). I don't have the experience and they've told me flat out they won't hire me for any position there unless I can get experience so stop applying.
• Lifeguard. I don't have the stamina or enough control over my asthma to pass the stupid lifeguard test.
• Cashier/Customer service jobs. I get told that my 8 years of experience in both areas is "not enough experience".
• Fast food. Besides the fact that being near the restaurants makes me physically sick from the smell of the oil they use, none of them are hiring right now. Not even fucking McDonald's.

I get passed for positions I'm qualified for constantly. Usually for the girl or guy after me dressed in flip flops(thongs for those outside the US/Florida) and ratty torn jeans and either a tank top or wifebeater top and 10x the amount of visible piercings and tattoos I have. Meanwhile, I come in dressed nice (usually a nice pair of black slacks and a nice button up solid colour blouse and all my piercings out and a pair of black flats) with my resume and a copy of my job application and get rejected. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG. I AM DOING EVERYTHING I WAS TAUGHT TO DO FOR INTERVIEWS. But apparently it's not enough. People would rather hire the just out of high school inexperienced person who looks like they're heading to the beach or the pool afterwards to train for a position that may or may not last past 3 months rather than the person with experience in the position that they don't have to give as much training to who has a decent work record and looks professional. And then tell the experienced person that they "don't have enough experience".

I just...I don't know what to do. Most of the employers out here do online applications. Half of them don't check their online applications. Half of those that do, have their applications hidden on their website so when you go in and inquire about applications they just tell you "it's on the website".

The clothing stores have the stupid personality tests for their applications. According to those, I don't have the right personality to work for them in any position. Especially not customer service positions. Funny thing that they are the same one Disney has and Disney likes my answers but they don't. It's harder to work for Disney than any other company out here. I'm waiting for my 6 months to be up to re-apply for Disney so I can reapply again. I almost got re-hired last year. But couldn't log into their system to schedule my interview. And they wouldn't schedule it when I called in to try and do so after I explained the problem I was having.

But still, even when I have a job and am paying them rent and car insurance and stuff "I don't do enough around the house". And "I don't have a 'real' job". Apparently according to my dad, I have never had a "real" job. He never answers me when I ask him what defines a "real" job. And I have held positions in various fields. Locksmith. Dispatch. Data Entry. Cashier. Haunt monster. Cook. Mechanic. None of those are "real" jobs to my dad. And locksmith was working with him for my cousin. He wants me to work full time hours and help to keep the house spotless daily and help with yardwork which is mostly weeding(which I despise anyway because I always get sunburned and I don't like sunburns). 90% of those jobs are in Orange County. That's an hour drive to work and from work. So, if I work 40 hours a week that's 10 hours of driving a week. Just for work. So let's do the math here. 50 hours for work. 168 hours in a week. So that leaves 118 hours. Let's add in sleep time of 7 hours a night(even though it varies I'm rounding up to 7). That's another 49 hours which leaves us with 69 hours. Oh and add up waking up (eating, showering, dressing, grabbing everything for work) that's another 5-6 hours a week. Which takes us down to 63-64 hours left. Not to mention that I also have the job of taking care of my brother. Making sure he has food and medication and that he takes his medication and any appointments he has to be at and do shopping. So shopping is about 3-4 hours a week and that puts us to 59 hours. Appointments and medication pick up are once every other month or so. But if I have one of those in the week that takes off another hour or 2 depending on the appointment. So 57 hours. I also get to do his laundry(because it is part of what the state pays me for and basically I have to spread out 15 hours in a month taking care of him) and I am in charge of washing dishes. So that's about an hour(I'm talking washing the dishes, putting them away, starting a load of laundry in the washer prior to starting something else, changing the load of laundry, then folding and giving to him to put away). So we're down to 56 hours. Cleaning my bathroom takes about an hour to an hour and a half. So 55 1/2 hours. Knock it down to 54 hours for 15 minute showers on the two days I don't work. Add in about half an hour for my laundry(IF I am not doing my bed stuff then it's more like 2 hours). And then an hour and a half for cleaning my room of the stuff I didn't have the time/energy for during the week I worked. So 52 hours. Basically he wants me to spend more time cleaning the house/garage/weeding than I get paid for in a week for a full time job. With no time to myself because an hour to read/play video games is me "being selfish". Minimum wage in California right now until July 1 is $8/hour. After July 1 it is $9/hour. Without taxes taken out that comes out to $320/week - $360/week. Let's go through my expenses. Gas is over $4/gallon right now. It takes about $20 to fill my tank from half a tank. If I work in OC that's a 50 mile commute. I have to fill my tank every other day. So in gas alone, I spend approximately $60/week. My car insurance is $50/month(because even though I have a pretty decent driving record I'm still an at risk driver even though I'm almost 30? and that's on my parent's insurance it's over $100 if I go anywhere else). Let's presume I'm making $320/week. It's about $1600/month without taxes taken out. Taxes would be a few hundred a month. Let's say $300. Presuming I'm not in a union and have union dues and that my health insurance doesn't come out of my check. So $1300 a month. $1250 after insurance is paid. My dad charges $100/month rent(which is cheap I know) so $1150. $300 for gas so $850. Cell phone bill (is high because I'm also paying off cost of phone atm) is about $100/month so $750. If I were to get a full time job I would have to start paying for my health insurance as my current insurance would stop covering me. And health insurance is expensive. It's approx $304-$321/month which leaves me with $429 for the month. Personal hygiene products(tampons/deodorant/toothpaste etc) is about $50 a month (because feminine hygiene isn't cheap) so that's $379. Plus the $1200 I owe them. Oh and let's add in car maintenance. Oil and oil filters are about $20-25. So that's $354. And then let's presume this is around the time my car needs to be re-registered. The registration alone is $50 so that's $304. Then there's the smog check which is another $20-$50 IF I pass it. So that's $334-304. None of this adds in any of my copays for dr visits or medication I need to take.

At the moment though, I get paid about $150/month. I'm not paying rent/car insurance. After my phone bill I have between $50-60 a month. MOST of that goes into gas. Despite my repeated telling my parents "you use my gas you get to pay for it". Because even though I'm expected to fill my dad's truck if I use all the gas in it, mum isn't expected to fill my tank when she uses all my gas. She does sometimes. But not all the time. I spend at least $40 on gas each month. If not $60. However, I usually get an extra $200 every month from my mum at the beginning of the month. So great right? I have $200. Yeah. She expects me to basically give it all straight to my dad to pay off rent/car insurance/money I owe them. I have $60 MAYBE left of what I got this month. Oh and that $150 I get from the state monthly? I get it paid in two payments. Half around the 15th of the month and the other half around the beginning of the next month. So what's left of the $200 that I get usually winds up going to my phone bill. Even though it isn't due until near the end of the month, I like paying at the beginning of the month so that I don't have to worry about it later(I figure I'm being smart about it). So she doesn't understand why I pretty much don't ever have money because (in her words) "I give you an extra $200 every month so you should have money". Yeah I should. I should also have a job outside of caregiver. IF persistence really paid off like mum and dad seem to think it does. 

Dad insists I should just go out and "get a  job" he doesn't seem to realise it isn't that easy. I wish it was but it's not. 

Even if I'm paying rent, my parents expect me to keep my room spotless to their impossible standards. I say impossible because they expect me to have NOTHING on the floor(except the boxes of files and important stuff under my bed). I DON'T have the storage space in my room for my stuff. Simple solution would be to get rid of stuff or throw it away right? Wrong. Some of the stuff in my room on the floor consists of extra sheets for my bed and the pull out couch bed. My massage table. My books that I don't have a shelf for(technically I have one bookshelf and it's small as shit and looks like this and is in my "closet" which is actually some metal pipes put together to make a rack to hang stuff up.)

My dvd cases. Which are two big huge book things(because I keep only the discs not the cases themselves as they take up too much room I don't have). A stool and 3 chairs. One of those chairs, I don't know why it's in my room as it is a kitchen chair and should be in the house proper not my room but is in my room anyway. One of those chairs is a computer chair in front of where I usually have my game systems set up when I have a monitor in my room which I don't have at the moment.My heater that goes at the end of my bed when it get's colder. And my two laundry baskets which are both collapsible and get collapsed when there's nothing in them. And my box with my shoes in it. When it gets colder the heater moves up to the barstool in my room and the fan moves to the floor. Plus i have the fold up tray by my bed for my keys and wallet and inhaler.

So when I say literally impossible to do, I mean literally impossible. They hate the fact that I use the top of one of my dressers as a bookshelf and if they had their way there would be nothing on it except maybe collectibles. And not collectibles I want. But the ones they find appropriate. Like the precious moments stuff we have. Or my collectible barbies.

I don't understand why my room has to conform to their standards of cleanliness. OH! And everything has to be dust free. Which is impossible in my room for a few reasons. A) WE LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT AND ARE SURROUNDED BY DIRT SO THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. B) My room has two doors leading to outside that they like to leave open. Especially when it's windy. Guess where that dirt is going to go? Yep. My room. One of the doors is to the atrium where our turtle is, the bbq is, and the a/c unit. The other door is the one that leads to where we let our dogs out and where we keep our large trash cans that go to the curb on trash day. And coincidentally smells like dog shit. Because apparently, even though neither of the dogs are mine, it should be my responsibility to clean it. I think it should be my brother's since most of it is from his dog. So it's a constant source of contention in my house. Since I wind up taking care of the dogs most of the time anyway, he should do that.

But y'know, I'm 100% wrong no matter what I do or say here. And when I do stuff, I don't "do it right". So I'm angry and frustrated right now.