Things I don't understand

I just don't understand it.
You tell me you love me.
you break up with me because you aren't ready for a relationship.
you continue to tell me you love me even though we are just best friends.
then you ask another girl out. again.
what is wrong with me that you can't seem to date me? And if you do you can't tell anyone we are dating. and the only people i can tell are those who don't know anyone else you know.
Now you tell me you need a break from me.
This is the worst time ever for that.
I'm lonely.
My car is breaking down.
And I can't even count on my best friend to come visit me because he needs a break from me.
Its killing me.

And then there's you.
You tell me you believe my side of what happened.
Then you go hang out with him, have a change of heart, he denies what happened, and you are now convinced that he didn't take advantage of me because at one point i said i wanted to break them up.
Just cause i say that doesn't mean i will ever act on it.
I mean seriously i have said that about so many different people and have never done any of the sort.
I would feel bad if I did that.
I also wouldn't be able to live with myself or the guilt from doing so.
Now we are kind of fighting and I don't like it.
He outright lied to you and you believe him over me.
When you've known me a hell of a lot longer than him and he's been trying to have sex with you even though you have a boyfriend and he is engaged.
How do you not believe me?

My only other best friend is busy with her work schedule so at least her I understand why we can't really hang out a lot but seriously.....*sigh*
Why can't I have a normal and functional life and relationships?
Why can't the guy I love love me back and not be afraid of what others will say?
So what if your family wouldn't approve or your friends wouldn't?
They aren't the ones in the relationship. Its just you and I. No one else.
And like i don't get shit from my family and friends about us. I get it just for remaining friends with you. But you've been there for so much. You know all about me. and you still tell me you love me. when you aren't "taking a break from me".
Just stop hurting me is all I ask.